with hands open wide

Thanks to my best friend at Three.20, I found my long lost blog.

You can call me the cowardly lion. I am not courageous. Many things scare me, tonight, specifically, the future. There is nothing better to do when fighting fear of the future than to reminisce on God's faithfulness in the past. I have been thinking about how much my Father has taken away. He broke me, and took away that which I loved the most, and all He said was "I love you." As a good child that I am, I threw a temper tantrum because I wanted things my way. Why, I wonder, do I fight the one who loves me the most? As it usually works out, He waits-full of love and patience with His beloved child, and I finally realize He works all things for my good. I give up the fight and rest in His loving arms and just trust.

My Father is the GIVER of good gifts. The gifts are so good, in fact, that I do not want to loose them. Oh how hard it can be to hold out my gifts with my hands open wide. I worry, "My Father may want to take it away!" I am afraid I might loose that which I hold so dear. And then I remind myself, "what if He does take it away?" He gives enough grace! He is the one who says: For I , the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

And so I hold out my hands open wide, all He has given me is His, may His will be done. He can take it all. And I hold out my fearful, vulnerable hand so that the powerful hand of the Almighty might take hold of mine, and sustain me every step of the way, no matter what may come.

las vueltas que da la vida

There are certain prayers we pray over and over again throughout our entire lives. Prayers of surrender, prayers of lament, prayers of thankfulness. I just looked back at my un-posted entries and saw this prayer, several months ago, and find that God is faithful. This may be too personal to share- but who cares? I pray that it will be for His glory.

There is so much to pray about Lord that I have no idea where to start. First, I am grateful God because you are good to me. Thank you for your great faithfulness. Thank you for your sweet mercies which are new every morning. Thank you, Father, that you call me your child. I am yours, and I am deeply moved that you would call me one of your own children. I thank you that I am your beloved, pure, spotless, beautiful in your sight. I am your beloved. I thank you Father that you used my broken dreams and broken heart to teach me you love me, you are in control, and you always work all things for good for those who love you. And, sweet Father, oh how I love you. My heart is full. I am so utterly needy, I need you more every day.

I will not fear, Christ. You are in control. I will not fear.

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand;

it is I who say to you, "fear not, I am the one who helps you."

And who is this God?

Do you not know? Do you not hear? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to dwell in; who brings princes to nothing, and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness. Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown, scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth, when he blows on them, and they wither, and the tempest carries them off like stubble. To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing.

This was said on one of the hardest nights of my life and it has stuck: "Look at the stars. God knows each one of them by name. He has a purpose for your life and he will bring it about."

So Father I come to you burdened and heavy laden. Please help me to rest in you, in the knowledge that you will guide me. I come to you with open hands. All I have is only because it has been given from you- the Giver of GOOD gifts. You give and you take away. Lord, if you want to take this away, I give it to you. My life is yours. Do as you will Lord. I am YOURS. Wholly YOURS.